Proposing Constitutional Amendments
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Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed netizens, and people who accidentally clicked on this article while searching for cat videos, we gather today to discuss a pressing issue of our time: proposing constitutional amendments, two in particular. One to revise the Electoral College, and one to set term limits for Congress members. And as with any grand reform idea, they're both accompanied by the perfect, if somewhat unconventional, solution: cake!
"Though his mind is not for rent, don't put him down as arrogant. His reserve, a quiet defense riding out the day's events."
Let's start with a proposal to sprinkle some much-needed sanity on our voting process: using the district method for allocating Electoral College votes. For those who have been blissfully unaware of Electoral College intricacies, the district method is a way of allocating electoral votes that breaks away from the winner-takes-all approach. Instead, it awards one electoral vote per congressional district won and two additional votes for the overall state winner. Think of it as turning our electoral system into a giant, multi-layered cake where everyone gets a slice, instead of a single person getting the whole confectionary creation.
The current system is like a high-stakes game of musical chairs where one state’s outcome decides the fate of the entire nation. With the district method, it’s more like a giant board game where every state gets to play their piece, and the result reflects a broader spectrum of opinions. It’s democracy with a side of strategy—like chess, but with less checkmate and more checkboxes
"The world is, the world is, love and life are deep, maybe as his skies are wide."
Imagine every state with its own little electoral soap opera—local dramas, plot twists, and, occasionally, a surprise cameo by the local dog catching a frisbee. It’s an approach that reflects more of the nuanced political landscape across the country rather than just tallying up who’s the last person standing.
Under this proposal, electoral votes would be divided more proportionally according to the votes within each congressional district. So, instead of a state going full “winner-takes-all,” the results would be distributed in a way that mirrors the actual voting patterns. For example, if Texas votes 60% for one party and 40% for another, the votes would be split accordingly, not clumped into one giant win for either side. The two extra votes awarded for the statewide winner would be like the icing on the cake—a final flourish to honor the state’s overall preference while ensuring a more balanced slice for everyone.
"No, his mind is not for rent to any god or government. Always hopeful, yet discontent, he knows changes aren't permanent, but change is."
Of course, no grand plan is without its hiccups. Implementing the district method might lead to a few minor logistical headaches, like re-mapping districts or figuring out how to make every state’s cake reflect its political flavor. And let’s be honest, someone’s cake might end up being a bit more “unique” than others—be prepared for debates about whether a cake with brisket and barbecue sauce is truly representative.
Moreover, strategists might need to adjust their game plans. The focus could shift from national campaigns to more localized efforts, with candidates suddenly needing to become experts in local cupcake flavors and district-specific issues. It’s like turning a nationwide game of Monopoly into a series of intense local trivia contests.
"Catch the mist, catch the myth, catch the mystery, catch the drift."
Let's move on to the proposal to establish term limits for Congress. You might ask, “Why do we need term limits now?” The answer is simple: because it’s 2024, and the average American’s patience for bureaucratic babble is running thinner than the paper used to print their health insurance forms. With Congresspeople who have been in office since before the turn of the century, perhaps it’s time for a refresh.
Think about it: if a congressperson has been in office since before the invention of the smartphone (1993), their grasp on modern tech is likely about as reliable as a chocolate teapot. We need fresh perspectives, and nothing says “fresh” quite like an energetic newcomer who hasn’t spent decades mastering the art of filibustering.
"What you say about his company is what you say about society."
Under this amendment, each representative would be allowed to serve a maximum of five terms in the House and each Senator would be allowed to serve a maximum of two terms in the Senate. After reaching these limits, they’ll be gently nudged out of their seats, not with a grand exit but with a grand celebration complete with cake. Not just any cake—this cake would come with a “Congratulations on Your Service” plaque and possibly a fondant model of the Capitol Building. Who could resist that?
Of course, there might be a few unintended consequences. For instance, if term limits pass, future campaign ads might have to get creative. Expect to see candidates touting their “limited edition” service rather than trying to claim they've been around since the days of VHS tapes. And while there’s always the risk of losing some experienced hands, we could gain a whole new level of legislative efficiency—or at least a few new memes.
"The world is, the world is, love and life are deep, maybe as his eyes are wide."
So, there you have it: one proposal to set term limits for Congress and another proposal for Electoral College reform, both of which bring a touch of local flavor and a sprinkle of cake to the national stage. They are proposals whose time has come, not just to refresh our political system but to remind us that democracy should be as dynamic as the people it serves and to make our electoral system a little more representative and a lot more delicious. After all, if we can’t agree on how to elect our leaders, we can at least agree on cake. And if cake happens to be the catalyst for this change, well, who are we to argue with dessert?
List of Congresspersons Who Have Been in Office since BEFORE 2000:
(by seniority)
Sen. Charles "Chuck" Grassley, IA, 1981; Rep. Steny Hoyer, MD-5, 1981; Rep. Harold "Hal" Rogers, KY-5, 1981; Rep. Christopher "Chris" Smith, NJ-4, 1981; Rep. Marcy Kaptur, OH-9, 1983; Sen. Mitch McConnell, KY, 1985; Rep. Rosa DeLauro, CT-3, 1991; Rep. Eleanor Norton, DC, 1991; Sen. Patty Murray, WA, 1993; Rep. Sanford Bishop, GA-2, 1993; Rep. James "Jim" Clyburn, SC-6, 1993; Rep. Frank Pallone, NJ-6, 1993; Rep. Robert "Bobby" Scott, VA-3, 1993; Rep. Bennie Thompson, MS-2, 1993; Sen. Ron Wyden, OR, 1996; Rep. Earl Blumenauer, OR-3, 1996; Sen. Susan Collins, ME, 1997; Sen. Richard "Dick" Durbin, IL, 1997; Sen. John F. "Jack" Reed, RI, 1997; Rep. Robert Aderholt, AL-4, 1997; Rep. Danny Davis, IL-7, 1997; Rep. Diana DeGette, CO-1, 1997; Rep. Kay Granger, TX-12, 1997; Rep. Adam Smith, WA-9, 1997; Sen. Michael "Mike" Crapo, ID, 1999; Sen. Charles "Chuck" Schumer, NY, 1999; Rep. John Larson, CT-1, 1999; Rep. Janice "Jan" Schakowsky, IL-9, 1999; Rep. Michael "Mike" Simpson, ID-2, 1999
Text of the Proposed Amendments
I offer the following text as two Constitutional Amendments in language that has been adapted from existing or previous legislation.
Modification of the Electoral College
Summary: Each state is to present electors that will vote for the candidate who secured a majority of votes within each congressional district within their state.
"Section 1. Each State shall appoint a number of electors equal to the whole number of Senators and Representatives to which that State may be entitled in Congress; but no Senator or Representative, or person holding an Office of Trust or Profit under the United States, shall be appointed an Elector.
"Section 2. One presidential Elector shall be chosen from each of that State's congressional districts, plus two at large.
"Section 3. The presidential Electors at large shall cast their ballots for the presidential and vice-presidential candidate who received the largest count of votes within their State. The presidential Electors of each congressional district shall cast their ballots for the presidential and vice-presidential candidates who received the largest count of votes within their respective congressional districts.
"Section 4. This Article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-quarters of the several States within seven years from the date of its submission to the States by Congress."
Congressional Officer Term Limits
Summary: two terms for Senators (or fewer than 15 years total) and five terms for Representatives (or fewer than 11 years total).
"Section 1. No person shall be elected to the office of Senator more than twice, consecutively or non-consecutively, and no person who has held the office of Senator, or acted as Senator for more than three years of a term to which another was elected Senator, shall be elected to the office of Senator more than once; but this Article shall not apply to any person holding the office of Senator, or acting as Senator during the term which this Article becomes operative from holding the office of Senator, or acting as Senator, during the remainder of such term.
"Section 2. No person shall be elected to the office of Representative more than five times, consecutively or non-consecutively, and no person who has held the office of Representative, or acted as Representative for more than one year of a term to which another was elected Representative, shall be elected to the office of Representative more than four times; but this Article shall not apply to any person holding the office of Representative, or acting as Representative when this Article was submitted to the States by Congress, and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of Representative, or acting as Representative during the remainder of such term.
"Section 3. This Article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by the legislatures of three-fourths of the several States within seven years from the date of its submission to the States by Congress."