Personal Stories, Part 1

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No two autistics have the same variations of traits. For instance, both may have a sensitivity to noise, but the degree to which that sensitivity may affect them is probably different. A simple analogy is whether you prefer crunchy peanut butter or not. Maybe it's the texture of the uncrushed nuts, or the idea of not needing to grind your sandwich into a pulp before taking another bite. Either way, whichever you decide is your particular preference, there are always reasons, whether we know what those reasons are or not.

Social Interactions: The Unspoken Rules of the Social Network

Navigating social interactions as an autistic person is like trying to dance in a room full of people doing the cha-cha while you're stuck in a mime routine. Everyone else seems to know the steps instinctively, while you’re left trying to figure out why they’re all laughing at what seems like an inside joke about the best way to order coffee. And don’t even get started on small talk—it’s like playing an improv game where you forgot the rules and the audience is judging your every word. So, you smile, nod, and hope that your silent interpretive dance is convincing enough to pass for normal.

My Experience: Those who know me personally, or have tried to interact with me at some social event, have explained that it's sometimes difficult for me to "come out of my shell" ["Am I not TURTLE enough for the Turtle Club?"] Most of the time, I stand just on the outside of a group listening - trying to recognize if the topic they are discussing is one on which I might have a little bit of an understanding. Sure, I want to try to join a conversation because no one likes being left out, but my own past experience has taught me that by the time I have something that I could have contributed to the conversation, the topic has moved on to something else entirely. Sometimes, the larger problem is that if we are allowed into the conversation about a topic of which we are aware, most autistics start an info-dump worthy of a Wikipedia page (maybe because we memorized that page, or maybe because we wrote that page).

Sensory Overload: A Cacophony of Sensory Experiences

Having a symphony of sensations blasting through your senses feels like attending the world’s most chaotic concert, where the orchestra is made up of caffeinated squirrels playing maracas while a brass band of foghorns competes with an overzealous DJ remixing every sensory input into a mashup of sensory overload. Your taste buds are doing a conga line with a chili pepper, your nose is trying to decipher a scent that can only be described as "tropical landfill," and your skin feels like it's auditioning for a role in a high-stakes roller coaster. Meanwhile, your brain is frantically waving a white flag, begging for intermission.

My Experience: In Las Vegas, atop the Stratosphere Hotel, there is a thrill ride called "The Big Shot". For reference, if you don't know the ride, you start by being harnessed into a roller-coaster type of seat. Then, you get catapulted upward along a tower experiencing a gut-wrenching four Gs of force [four times the force of gravity] on the way up and feeling negative Gs on the way down as your legs dangle in the Las Vegas skyline. Meanwhile, the sound system is playing the chorus of Elvis Presley's "Viva Las Vegas" at high volume, but you can only hear it on "down" side before being shot back up again a couple more times.

Most NT's whose experience of that ride, or one like it, I've discussed with them don't often recall hearing the music, whether or not they screamed during the experience, or even the sensation of air moving against their skin, but they can easily talk about the overwhelming sensation of multiple G-forces on the "up" event, and/or the negative G-forces on the "down" event. They were able to shut out some of the experiences in order to enhance other experience.

Now, imagine NOT being able to turn anything off - ever. You take in EVERYTHING: the height of the building (just over 900 feet above street level), the trepidation of being outside at that height and seeing nothing but flat desert for miles around, even if you've never experienced the combined sensation of acrophobia and agoraphobia. If you've never done anything like this, then there's also the anxiety that comes with the novelty of the experience. Then, when it starts, the G force, seeing your elevation above the desert floor, the bright sunlight (or lights if you do this at night), the bodily sensations like the taste of tin, the wind in your ears and on your skin, the loud music, and the screaming. Yeah, I'd call that an overload, but most NTs just think it's an amusement and wonder why we can't simply enjoy the same things that they enjoy, and sometimes try to belittle us for it.

Other Articles in This Series:

• Describing the Autistic Experience [Article Link]
• The Aliens Living Among Us [Article Link]
• Personal Stories, Part 2 [Article Link]
• Why Did I Do This? [Article Link]