The Aliens Living Among Us
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I don't want to sound alarmist, but there are aliens living among us. Oddly enough, they don't even try to hide their existence from us, but loudly exclaim their supposed superiority with all the bravado of an entitled third grader. Typically, aliens are depicted as having advanced technology, oddly shaped bodies, and a curious obsession with probing things. And while that's not entirely false, I tend to look at the aliens among us as a mix between a high-tech gadget, a particularly intense video game, and my daughter's cat who is always trying to open my fridge because he thinks that's where I store the open cans of tuna.
Given what we already know about them, they are a remarkable, and still somewhat bewildering species. This is a life form that spends a significant portion of its existence attempting to understand the mysteries of the universe, only to end up arguing about the proper way to make a sandwich. They've created wondrous technologies that allow them to instantly communicate across their planet, and then use that technology to post pictures of their meals.
Some of their peculiarities, such as some of their odd social rituals, make quantum mechanics seem simple. Aliens are obsessed with social interaction, and they’ve developed a vast array of customs that can only be described as “intriguingly confusing.” Their primary mode of communication is a cacophony of spoken languages, supplemented by an extensive pictographic library they call "emojis" that can express everything from mild surprise to existential dread. For instance, engaging in “small talk” is a ritualistic exchange of pleasantries about topics as riveting as the weather and the traffic conditions. This seemingly pointless exercise is crucial for maintaining social bonds, even though it often results in conversations about “what’s new” that could be summarized in a single, non-verbal grunt.
When it comes to food, aliens exhibit a culinary curiosity that is both impressive and perplexing. They obsess over various food fads, from kale smoothies to deep-fried everything, and their gastronomic pursuits include mixing ingredients that defy reason, such as bacon-wrapped donuts and chocolate-covered potato chips. The result? A bewildering array of dishes that make any ordinary palate question the very nature of taste. They also have a strange obsession with what they call "fast food" where you can get an entire meal through a tiny window without ever leaving your vehicle.
Aliens have an insatiable appetite for entertainment, which manifests in ways that would make even the most seasoned normal observers question their sanity. They spend countless hours watching other aliens compete in challenges ranging from baking elaborate cakes to renovating dilapidated homes. Another major source of amusement is where aliens spend vast amounts of time and energy cheering for teams of athletes wearing different colored uniforms while arguing over which team is superior. They engage in ritualistic behaviors such as painting their faces and chanting slogans. The emotional highs and lows experienced during these events can lead to euphoria or despair, often resulting in bizarre rituals like throwing objects in the air or hugging strangers.
And speaking of emotions, aliens experience a spectrum of emotions that can be as unpredictable as a meteor shower. They can be exuberantly thrilled over the most trivial of victories, such as finding a misplaced item, and deeply disheartened by minor setbacks like a delayed train. Their emotional range is often expressed through a form of art known as “music,” which can vary from soul-stirring ballads to energetic tunes that make them dance like they’ve lost their minds.
Aliens are endlessly curious creatures who grapple with existential questions about the meaning of life. They spend considerable time and energy contemplating their purpose in the universe, constructing complex philosophical systems and engaging in spiritual practices. This quest often leads them to build monumental structures, write profound texts, and engage in deep discussions about the nature of existence. Despite all of their pondering, aliens are also prone to making decisions based on gut feelings, fashion trends, and what their favorite celebrity says. They search for meaning in their lives with a fervor that could make even the most seasoned philosophers' chuckle.
In the end, though, it seems like most aliens are just like us. They are a fascinating blend of brilliance and absurdity, bound together by their shared quirks and idiosyncrasies. As you navigate your own existence, remember that it's your unique blend of brilliance and absurdity is what makes you truly fascinating to aliens. But in reality, aliens are pretty much like the rest of us; they probably just want to make friends and maybe borrow some sugar.
Other Articles in This Series:
- Describing the Autistic Experience [Article Link]
- Personal Stories, Part 1 [Article Link]
- Personal Stories, Part 2 [Article Link]
- Why Did I Do This? [Article Link]